There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss. And though they are good mothers, I know I will be one of the best. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him. And that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to, or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better woman, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother...one of the best.
7 comments:
Hey girl!! you are so awesome!! the kids that come to your family will be very special! we love you guys so much and can relate at least a little to what you've gone through so if you ever just need someone to talk or even vent to you are more than welcome to call!
Aly! It is Haylie Shore Hunsaker.
I found your blog through Steff's new blog. It is good to know a little bit about what is up in your life. You are so good with words. This post was pure poetry. You will be an awesome mother and influence for all those kids whose life's you touch.
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Tênis e Sapato, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://tenis-e-sapato.blogspot.com. A hug.
Hi Aly,
I don't know if you remember me, I woulnd't be surprised if you didn't, but I'm friends with Stephanie. I had a miscarriage in January at 9 weeks along. I really liked this post. I know how you feel.
It took A LOT of prayers, and time, but I finally understand a little more why it happened to me. The process of healing is hard, but possible with the help of Heavenly Father.
I still have tough days where I really struggle, but it's getting better. This experience has really helped me to develop a stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father, and makes me that much more excited to have kids. We're not pregnant yet, and probably won't be for a while, but what an amazing blessing when it does happen!
Anyway, I know you really don't know me, but I wanted to tell you thank you for your poem! I hope you are doing well with everything! I know you will be an amazing mom one day. If you ever need to talk to someone who knows what you're going through, I'm here if you ever need anything.
Hey Aly! Its CharLee Cook (now Carn)! I found your blog through Kelsi Taylors...I was so happy to see that you had a blog so we can keep in touch and see how were doing in our lives! Hope everything is going well! Keep in touch!
yes... you are bad at updating this! haha its good to see you on here though. i love reading what youve written. its beautiful. life is nuts right now, but i'm trying to make time to come visit. i'll let you know for sure! post more!!! i want to read about your goings and comings.
You really will be an amazing mom! I understand the heartache of yearning to be a mother. I too have suffered having a miscarriage. It is the hardest thing to endure, and especially hard to see those who are mothers do things to hurt their children - that's when I get the most angry. It's good to feel less lonely about this issue. :)
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